The ego is the single biggest obstruction to the achievement of anything.” Richard Rose
How often do we give our self-esteem more importance than valuing a person’s opinion? The people who do not let go of self-esteem are assumed to be an egoist. The truth is that we all have an ego as a human quality and cannot get rid of it. There are phases where our ego takes control over which can lead to hurting the other person. It is a feeling which makes you feel supreme to others. I am not saying that self-love or self-esteem is bad. But it can be harmful when it is the cause of broken relationships. There is a difference between standing up for yourself and listening to that inner voice which says it is wrong than in a situation where it can ruin a relationship because of a grudge or difference of opinions. It will permit you to hurt somebody you care about is the fact that you reserve the option to show that you matter. Instead, we should learn to conquer our ego.
The question is do we keep aside the ego to save the relationship? There are some signs in life where we need to recognize when our ego tries to control us and harm our circle of people. If someone constantly gets jealous of the people around it build up our ego. Comparison is another way where the ego controls the mind by doubting your potential. It gives power to the ego to be defensive and counter-argue. The difference in opinions is okay as no two people can agree on everything. One must have respect towards the other person and not let the ego come in between. Setting up unreasonable objectives and harming self when not ready to achieve them
“The ego, however, is not who you are. The ego is your self-image, it is your social mask, it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power because it lives in fear.” Ram Dass
When we watch movies or binge-watch series some characters stand out and teach us how to handle our ego. Again I am going to talk about an animated movie since I feel that there are so many hidden values that they teach us. In the movie Tinkerbell and the lost treasure, we see how Tinkerbell and blaze have been stubborn and there are clashes of ego. The moment they push their ego aside their friendship blossoms. Similarly, we have to think about the relationship while conquering our ego
“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly no longer the ego but just an old, conditioned mind pattern. The ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.” Eckhart Tolle
I would recommend three ways to get rid of ego which are as follows:
- Forgiveness –Learning to let go is the first step. Holding to your ego will only be destructive. We all make mistakes and we need to accept them. We cannot go in the past and change things for a different ending as we want instead we can work on the present to build a better future. Learn to forgive yourself first and then others.
- Reflecting – We have reasoning for our thoughts. Once we learn to be respectful to the person we are holding our ego it will be easier for more honesty. We need to avoid getting too personal. Alone time can help to calm our mind and ego as we reflect on our actions and the harsh words we said to the person we love. If those thoughts make someone feel guilty then it’s a step closer to overcoming being an egoist person. Otherwise, it will worsen the situation by not apologizing and bending down.
- Gratitude – Being appreciative of the good and small things in life is much needed. A humble person has conquered his ego compared to someone else who constantly is complaining about others.
In the end, I would conclude that we don’t need be too hard on ourselves. It is okay to be disappointed with the reality which is different than expected. We should focus on the brighter side of the efforts than the outcome. We cannot control everything as per the plan in our heads. Holding back will only be harmful to our mental health.
Nature is not the final word, for nature itself was created by a being who stands outside it and who, by making us in his image, gave us the power to stand outside it. – Rabbi Dr. Lord Jonathan Sacks
Hope this article was helpful and informative. If you have any other recommendations which worked for you do mention in the comments section. Let us keep spreading positive vibes. Be healthy and safe. Stay tuned for a new post till next week! 🙂