“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” Indira Gandhi.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the grudge. It about expressing kindness to those who have hurt us. Human relations are mutual and have to be maintained by basic principles of respect. There are times every relation the other person does not behave as expected whether it is with parents or siblings or friends or spouse. Their actions or words create a sense of tension in the relationship causing an argument. There could be a silence shut down by avoiding the argument just because the person is so disturbed or hurt. It is a very upsetting feeling as our expectations are hurt. The more we hold on the pain only harms our emotional health. Keeping a grudge of someone treating us badly is not our fault. Unless we forgive the person who did bad to us we cannot heal from the pain it caused us. Healing and forgiving someone are not easy processes. It cannot happen in a day but it’s a process where we need to train our minds to let go of the resentment. Practicing the art of forgiveness, we learn to boost our self-esteem.
We sometimes intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone. In those cases, we need to seek for pardon or forgiveness. It goes both ways as forgiveness can mend a broken relationship. A way to retain people in life is to forgive as the phase was bad which made the person mistreat us. There are plenty of factors that affect a scenario to be upsetting or hurting. Suppressing the emotion of feeling vulnerable by being mistreated with harsh words is not a solution. Negative emotions like jealousy, anger, hatred control us when we do not forgive. Lack of communication could be one of the reasons why we hold on to a grudge. Taking someone too seriously or personally towards a person who said was kidding can be misleading.
“Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” – The Lion King
Often movies and characters teach us values which we need to be reminded of. One of my favorite character when it comes to the topic of forgiveness is Cinderella. She knows to forgive her step-mom who made her life miserable. In the end, she says “I forgive you” to her step-mom which showed Cinderella’s, kind heart. That is an example of how it is necessary to forgive someone who treated us badly.
Ways towards forgiveness :
- Empathy –
There is a difference between empathy and sympathy. For forgiving someone it is necessary to develop empathy where we try to understand the mindset of the person who harmed us. Every person has developed their view over the years of experience and people in their life to influence the decisions. If we closely observe the one’s actions and behavior are similar to the environment, they have grown so we need to have empathy towards them. Empathy will stronger the relationship and help to see the other side of the coin. Perhaps they might be going through a rough patch, never would you know unless you are kind towards them. Everyone has a story and reason behind their actions. Once we have empathy the process of healing and forgiving is easier.
- Be kind on yourself –
We are hard on ourselves by taking the blame for bad things happening to us. Whereas we are not responsible if some have inappropriate behavior towards us. We need to be kind on ourselves just the way we do for others. We need to put ourselves first. It is okay to feel hurt with harsh words but it is not okay to keep resentment or grudges. We need to learn to move forward by learning the lesson the rough times are teaching us. The future is going to be brighter than the past. Pain is inevitable Like how bruises take time to heal similarly when we forgive we heal ourselves by giving time.
- Closure –
It is said that everything happens for a reason. And with each person, we meet there are a new experience and form of emotion which is addressed. To calm emotional pain like negativity, lack of enthusiasm, trust issues we need to acknowledge and recognize it. The more pain someone has given you the more you are harming yourself as your mind keeps questions for closure. The truth is that unless we let go and forgive we will keep running in a loop of more emotional pain. The closure will calm our minds temporarily where we tend to overthink. Ruminating over an issue causes resentment and ruins the relationship. As humans, we all make mistakes so we need to ask for forgiveness as well as forgive others. Forgiveness won’t lower your value will boost your confidence level.
All major religious traditions carry the same message; that is love, compassion, and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.— Dalai Lama
In the end, I would conclude that forgiveness will help us to elevate ourselves to find the hidden meaning of our life. We look at it as stepping stones learning to let go and move on to the next. We are urged to forgive the ones who hurt us and we should seek forgiveness from the ones we have sinned knowingly or unknowingly
The prophet Micah (7:18) asked: “Who is G-d like You, tolerating iniquity and forgiving transgression … ?” Upon which, the Talmud commented (Rosh Hashanah 17a): “Whose iniquities does G-d tolerate? A person who forgives the transgressions of another.” – Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb
Hope this article was helpful and informative. If you have any other recommendations which worked for you do mention in the comments section. Let us keep spreading positive vibes. Be healthy and safe. Stay tuned for a new post till next week! 🙂